If Obama-care was like the Cash-4-Clunkers program.
After having the unfortunate pleasure of reading the big Zero's Cash-4-Clunkers program I can only imagine how his massive socialized health care policy would read. While this is just a yarn spinning for your entertainment, It may not be far off. Feel free my friends to add your own thoughts.
The US Hussein Cares Administration
Docket # STD8675309If
Requirements for seeking medical treatment under the USHCA plan and the Cash for Grandparents stimulus.
Agency : The BHA foundation
Action: Final
Summery: This final rule sets fourth the Requirements and Procedures for involuntary implication of the USHCA plan. Under this plan we are offering many incentives and also new requirements for having new born children in an effort to reduce the global emissions of methane gas and overall savings on medications and unnecessary testing. While this involuntary plan is being edited daily to include new protocol we will refer to it as "Final" since we will cover every aspect both ways in our favor. No need to continue reading as our crack-pot Chicago Administration has already thought the whole thing thru, plus my wife worked in a hospital for a brief time.
Dates: This final rule is effective [Insert the date of publication in the FEDERAL REGISTER.]
Petitions: If you wish to petition for reconsideration of this rule, your 2 cent petition must be received by [Insert the date 45 days after date of publication of this document in the FEDERAL REGISTER.] We will let you know when were done editing so you can have a copy with a clear and definite date. Until then just take what your given because socialism ensures that no one will have more than you.
SUPPLEMENTARY INFORMATION
TABLE OF CONTENTS
I. Cash for Grandparents program Summery
a. Requirements for Grandparents
b. Requirements for disposing of Grandparents
c. Requirements to be eligible for the $666,666 rebate
II. Prescription coverage
III. Lab testing and preventative care strategy
IV. Children's Health Care GIVE initiative.
VI. Government employee heath care exemption.
I. Cash for Grandparents program was an imitative started by the WHO back in the 70's that realized that flower power hippies have gotten old and stale. With the successful live birth of your child, and the trade in of his/hers old and tired Grandparents you can collect a $666,666 stimulus check in an effort to help reduce the global emissions. We have found that natural methane gas (aka passing gas or farting) reduction can reduce overall greenhouse emissions and also reduce suffering for the young while in tight confines at public events or gatherings. Furthermore the Cash for Grandparents initiative will effectively weed out the old and sick, while transferring assets of the old to the younger offspring. This will effectively make our country stronger in the long run by replacing old with new. This initiative will also cut back on costly prescription medication often times prescribed to the elderly as part of a daily regiment.
a. Requirements for Grandparents - The Grandparents must be at least 65 years or older and be drawing on their near bankrupt Social Security checks. They need not be anything but 65 years or older. They must be alive at the time of trade in and not be missing any major organs. If your child's Grandparents are dead we will allow your elderly friends or neighbors to take their place, providing they are 65 years or older. Also the terminally ill collecting Medicare will be allowed in Lou of Grandparents. If you wish to take advantage of this incentive will retaining your children's Grandparents you must seek out the weak and terminally ill.
b. Requirements for disposal of Grandparents - Grandparents or the qualified people whom are submitted for recycling must be tattooed with the words "OLD FART" and then placed on a tread mill with an IV hooked to a main artery. The blood from the person or persons will then begin to flow into a public blood bank as we increase the speed and angle of the treadmill.Usually the elderly person will run for 30 seconds before it drops to the ground in convulsions. You may have to squeeze harder on to noose as they begin to die. Do not squeeze too hard or decapitation could occur causing the loss of head related recyclable parts. The Grandparents must be chopped up and buried at the children's expense or incinerated at the participating morgue/crematorium for no charge. Sorry all Urns must be accompanied by a $50 check to cover the cost of overhead. All body parts are to be labeled in zip lock bags and placed into refrigerated warehouses. Licensed and Approved Body part scalpers can keep any and all proceeds from the sale of body parts providing the body is buried or cremated no more than 6 months after death.
c. You do not need to be a Grandparent to qualify for this program, you need only be Old, or have an existing terminal condition to qualify for this rebate. The family that is seeking the stimulus money must have a successful healthy live birth. Miscarriages or death of the child before age 18 will automatically re-call your stimulus money, and the Grandparents will have died for nothing. Until such time as your children have reached the age for admission into our government GIVE program you will not be off the hook for repaying the stimulus money. You will likely spend $1,000,000 raising your child so the proper nurturing of our soldier... er.... your child is necessary to off-set the cost of having a child, which by the way must serve 2 years in our involuntary, voluntary GIVE act.
II. Prescription Coverage - We have set up a wonderful prescription package for the new world order. We have legalized drugs such as marijuana, cocaine and in serious conditions heroin. We have found that the public responds well to these drugs and keep coming back for more. Laboratory test rats show that folks prefer these drugs over things like food, water, sex, admission and reality. We have also done away with all antibiotics except for use by GIVE act troopers. Furthermore any and all black market drug cartels will be eliminated as we have legalized these drugs and have found it is cheaper for us to grow fields of coca plants, marijuana plants and opiate plants. This also stimulates the economy by offering many new jobs for people and also gets our farmers back to work.
III. Lab testing and preventative care strategy - [INSERT DATE AND PROPOSAL HERE]
IV. Children's Health Care GIVE initiative - At age 18 your child must participate in a mandatory voluntary GIVE initiative to help the government clean up local parks, help what old folks are left, and go to war as needed to further our agenda. At age 30 (If still alive) we will return your child all fucked up in the head, but will allow the legal use of narcotics at no charge to help out with any unfortunate side effects of being forced to do things outside of their free will. Upon the successful return of your 30 year old child we will send you the remainder of the estimated $1,000,000.00 it cost you to raise them (Less the $666,666 you were paid at birth). No additional stimulus will be granted for non-hackers whom fail to make it thru till age 30.
VI. Government employee heath care exemption. - So long as you are a government employee you will be privileged to a private health care program funded by the government. None of the above will apply to you and your family. You will be afforded any and all preventative test and medications as needed regardless the cost. If you are a high ranking person in the government we will spare no expense should you become ill or injured. You will also be permitted to use narcotics for recreation, but information pertaining to your usage will be concealed from the general public.
Now think about how IGNORANT that sounds....
Now go read the 130 page C4C Bill.
